Who are you hiding from?
Could it be you were told as a child not to stand out?
I went in to sales at the age of 23, and spent a great deal of my life in and out of that environment. I also worked customer services, where I ran a 24 hour emergency call centre; so, customer focus has always a large part of my work…
When I was in sales I found that the hardest part was asking for the order, is this fear of rejection? So, I changed the way I worked and instead of selling I created opportunities for customers. I really got to know them and their needs and then I created the service for them, that way I got out of 'selling' and it was completely tailored for their needs…
Why is it so hard to ask for something?
As children we are told it is rude to ask…
I remember being on Sales Course and hearing this was the reason sales people struggle…
Me too... I had been told 'it's rude to ask', and I believe these old patterns really need removing.
Where are they from anyway?
Are they from the war and rationing when it wasn’t rude to ask but the person being asked perhaps felt guilty being asked and not being in a position to provide?
Or are they older?
I have been thinking about this statement a lot over the last few years and I don’t know about you, but actually I don’t believe it is rude to ask…
If I needed to feed my children, would it be rude for me to ask for help?
If I needed some time out, a few hours just away from everything, would that be rude for me to ask for that?
If I was needed advice on something, would that be rude for me to ask you?
When we are growing up we live in a Theta state, a semi-hypnotic state and this continues up until around 7 to 8 years old.
Basically we are sponges, we take in everything as being true.
We can’t tell if a parent, caregiver or teacher has had a bad day and the reason they are shouting, isn’t because of us, it is really due to high stress levels, being told off by the boss or perhaps money issues… We hear the words said to us, we take them on board and we believe them to be true.
I remember as child being on holiday on the South Coast of England, I don’t remember my exact age, I was around 10 years old… I was with my family in a park and in the bandstand a magician had a show, he was looking for helpers, I raised my arm and I was picked out from the audience along with a boy. At the end of the trick the magician took the top off a silver tray to reveal some sweets. Being polite, I took just one, then the tray was offered to the boy who grabbed two handfuls and we left. I was so upset with myself, why had I only taken one? Why did I not take more, my hands were small I couldn’t have got more than 5 or 6 anyway… When I was offered them, I had wanted to take more, but I had been told not to be greedy.
As luck would have it, he did another show later in the week and I got picked again! This time, when I was offered the sweets, I took a few more, I wasn’t greedy, but I was going for more than just the one! And, it also meant I was able to share with my siblings…
If you don’t fill your cup up first HOW can you help others?
You wouldn’t offer a lift to someone knowing you didn’t have enough petrol in the car to do the journey would you?
Yet as women and caregivers we fail to look after ourselves and our needs.
These types of limiting beliefs come up a lot for my clients and myself, only a few months ago I had to work through one from my grandmother. I was at a masterminding event and for me, stepping out and showing up was huge, and there is a need to hide away… I did some work around it at the event, and then when I got back home I spent more time looking at it.
I could hear the words of my Grandmother ringing around my head - ‘who does she think she is’, ‘just look at him/her’ and ‘look at them Joe’…
Now, my Grandmother was a lovely lady, she used to have us in stitches and told us wonderful stories in bed, but this one element has helped hold me
back and not fully step in to my power; as I said, this is just one element, there are others, but the work we were doing that day, when I dug in the subconscious messages I heard as a child had kept me small, and perhaps if I were to step in to a bigger arena I would feel judged.
So, what is holding you back from realising your dreams?
You can book your discovery call with me here
What are you waiting for?