#mindfuckery: It relates to mental confusion, when a persons actions don't match their words... 'It's just mindfuckery'
As I was coming to the end of writing #findinglily, I saw a bigger picture than I had before. I had picked up all the pieces and I then it dawned on me, the lengths people will go to in order to protect themselves...
For me this is the Mindfuckery that happens. When you have an inner knowing, from deep within you something isn't right; you can't quite put your finger on it, your gut is talking to you. But when you say how you feel, you are being told you have got it wrong, you misunderstood the situation, it isn't what you think...
When words don't match actions! Thats Mindfuckery
This state of confusion can be paralysing, disconnecting you from the real world and what is really happening.
You find yourself separated from family and friends, people who can help you see what is happening from the outside.
The need to protect ourselves is primal, but at what cost?
Understanding the bigger picture can help; but when you are in a state of confusion and fear, you retreat inside yourself and you can't see it. Your cognitive function retreats as well and all you are left with is the ability to do small tasks; your ability to learn or recall details is lost, you are in survival mode.
You want to jump back in your time machine, to a time when you were happy and the relationship was working, and that is all you can do and focus on.
The effect Mindfuckery has on you is enormous!
You blame yourself for everything that has happened, if only I had done this or not said that...
But the bigger picture is in fact; you have a BIG FAT CHILDHOOD WOUND that has been triggered. You were targeted for your energy and power, and a bit like being attacked by a Dementor, your soul has been sucked out of you, leaving just a shell of the person you once were.
So the question is, what can you do?
There are many levels that actually need addressing.
There is the trauma that is being held in the body. There are the stress hormones that quite likely are causing you some form of fatigue. There is the original wound. Then there is the person who is causing this Mindfuckery. And probably more, we are all different.
Depending on where you are, is where you start. Calming the body and allowing the emotions to enable you to see what is really going on, of course you are probably not sleeping well either.
And the likelihood is, this has been going on at a low level for a long period of time; you need to unhook each and every belief you have been fed about yourself.
And you need to identify each trigger as they come up and heal it.
You need to nurture your body, adrenal fatigue is quite common. There are a list of foods that help just ask Google - good supplements can also help. It took me a while to identify my trigger to Adrenal Fatigue, I realised my energy levels were dropping around 3pm or 4pm to the point where I was sitting at the computer falling asleep. I also noticed my body was craving sweet and salty food around this time. And then, I would be awake all night, my mind unable to settle. Once I was able to identify the trigger I was able to put in place a regime to nurture my body and pick up within hours when it had started again.
Finding the original wound is crucial, and there may be a few. It could be rejection at an early age, an overbearing parent or emotional needs not being met, the list goes on.
I believe, if you don't have the wound you don't attract the mindfucker.
You will gradually be able to come out of the fog and start to see clearly again. You may experience flashbacks and memories that pull you back down that rabbit hole; making you question if it was all your fault, but these will become few and less intensive as time goes on.
Time IS a great healer and I also found travel was as well, in fact I would go as far as saying travelling saved my life.
But you do need to do the inner work and the healing. You will heal over time, but if you don't identify the original wounds, you could find yourself back in the same situation, just with a different person. It's like sticking a plaster over a wound and hoping it will heal, not allowing the light and the air to it.
I thought I had done enough healing years ago, but it turned out I hadn't, and as I dropped my barriers I let another in, this time though I had more information available to me, I worked in the healing industry and I was able to do a lot of work on myself, but at first I needed the help of others, I wasn't able to do it alone.
It didn't stop me going through the crushing pain, but when I was able to identify the wounds (and there were many) it got easier.
As an Empath I can see deeper into people, I see the really insecure person with their own wounds; but this doesn't make what they do right!
I see the wounded inner child in people and when I really dug deep within me, I found the reason why I kept attracting them...
As weird as it sounds, the biggest lesson was being able to thank them for breaking me open, allowing the light to shine in on what needed healing.
There are always two sides to a story, what they said what I said and what really happened!
But this is YOUR journey and YOUR time to claim back YOUR power and believe me when I tell you, you WILL emerge from this a much stronger and beautiful person, facing YOUR new life with passion and with a SOUL PURPOSE!
Today, I can say 'I am not available for that experience any more!'
Love you first!